Today was the Royal Wedding for Prince William and the now Princess Catherine. It reminded me, and every other girl around my age, the magical day Princess Di got married. I was glued to the television all morning and in awe that a real-life princess was getting married to her real-life prince. Today’s wedding also reminded me of how cynical I’ve become that Love will ever find me.
In first grade on February 14th, my class was going to have a Valentine’s Day party complete with cupcakes and valentines. I was so excited all morning. Just before our party began, my back started to itch. Then my chest and neck started itching, so I asked one of the parent volunteers to see what was wrong with me. She lifted my shirt to look at my back and then came the dreaded diagnosis: Chicken pox. I was sent home immediately, without a valentine and without a cupcake. I think that was a prophetic sign of my love life to come (not to mention, a foretaste of how most every Valentine’s Day would go). When I was in fifth grade, our school was selling carnations for $1 each for Valentine’s Day. You could pick the color and have them delivered to anyone in school. In a rare moment of bold desperation, I ordered a pink carnation for this particular boy Josh, with whom I had been in love since the beginning of the year. He lived on the street behind mine, and we rode the bus together, so I was incredibly nervous and excited to see how he would respond to my most vulnerable gesture. As I climbed onto the bus at the end of the day, he was sitting with my best friend Kellee, who held the pink carnation in her hand. He had given her the carnation I had bought for him. This was the first arrow to pierce my heart, and certainly not the last.
We have all had hearts broken, and we eventually pick up the pieces and move on. However, there is always one wound that refuses to heal. One tragic, shocking heartbreak that makes you so angry that you start putting up walls in a stubborn attempt to keep from ever getting hurt again. I do hope and pray that one day, someone worthy of this heart will find me, and realize that I am enough.
Carelessly oblivious to leaving me in your wake
you sped through the delicate marshes of my heart.
Stomping over the baby green shoots of my trust,
you were granted access to gardens previously unknown.
Unabashedly plucking the unopened buds and seedlings
you roamed carefree.
I waited in anticipation of your return
expecting full blooms in hand.
you triumphantly presented the bouquet
to someone else.