Tweener Phase

Patience is a fruit that is still very green on my branches.  I’m in what I call a “tweener phase,” since any instance of tweens is awkward.  As a middle-school aged tween, I was completely awkward with braces, sported a short hair cut I had no idea how to style and early 1990’s cringeworthy fashion that accentuated my utter lack of curves, and was totally uncomfortable in my own skin.  A tweener ball in volleyball is when the ball is coming at you and it’s too high to bump, but too low to set it, so it ends up smacking you on the chest or shoulder (or is this just me?)  So, I equate “tweener” with uncomfortable and awkward.  That’s exactly the place I’m in now.  For 35 years of my life (okay, well since I moved out the summer of my sophomore year of college), I’ve had to work and support myself in order to have a place to live, food to eat, and a car to drive.  Here I am now at 37, married, am about to have a baby girl in less than eight weeks, and am no longer employed.  I’m not interacting with people every day anymore.  I don’t sit with patients and families of patients who are going through chemo in order to try to halt the growth of a brain tumor, or discuss with a doctor why this newest clinical trial drug may be the next big cancer breakthrough, or really even feel like what I’m currently doing matters.  I’m at home sewing crafty things like pillowcase dresses and portable diaper changing pads, and occasionally baking, although not having coworkers to bake for makes me feel a little guilty about having dozens of cookies or cupcakes around the house for just the two of us.

At nearly 33 weeks along, I realize that I will become a momma in a matter of weeks.  However, this tweener phase waiting for Baby Girl to make her appearance has started to wear on me while I feel less than useful, and admittedly, a bit lonely.  My poor husband comes home from a long day working at the hospital and I have to refrain from bombarding him with words like a chihuahua because I haven’t spoken to anyone else all day.   The people I used to talk to and see every day are still working every day.  Their schedules are just as chaotic as mine used to be.

I’m realizing that my purpose in life isn’t wrapped up in my career.  It can’t be or I’m going to  feel under-utilized during this tweener period and throughout the precious period of time I get to be a stay-at-home momma.  I know that we are most content when we are utilizing the gifts God gave us and His light and love shine through us.  Hospitality is a gift I love to use, and I am so excited to welcome our baby into this world and make her feel at home.

 

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About miccahmarie

I got my first Diary when I was 10. I couldn't wait to write in it at night to divulge all of the details of my day onto paper with my turquoise pen. I now find that writing has become therapeutic for me. I need time to think and sort out what is going on inside and often when I'm most emotionally heightened is when I write most creatively. My years of journaling are a compilation of written out prayers as well as lamenting poems. Now as a wife and mother, my perspectives have changed, as I reflect on who I was and who God is making me to be.
This entry was posted in alone, baby, discontent, patience, waiting. Bookmark the permalink.

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