Sometimes people can shock us at the absolute callousness, meanness, or hatred they express. It hurts even worse when it’s someone we love, trust, and have invited into our lives. It can make us jaded and mistrust people. A relationship that I’ve borne close witness to, and have used as a model for what I want in the future has just completely disintegrated. The man I used to maintain as the measuring stick for any other man in my life has just walked away from a 9 year marriage. What was the beginning of an incredible love story has ended in shards. I’m crushed and have absolutely no desire to ever be in a relationship right now. Any poor schmuck that expresses interest in me is going to get dismissed. Piss off. I don’t even want to be around my friends because I’m almost waiting for the knife to plunge in while my back is turned in order to present the cake I’ve made for them. I want to scream as I sit and blandly listen with a fake smile at hearing about this new beautiful boy she’s met, or ogle at this gorgeous new engagement ring, or hear how many dates she’s been on this week. I don’t care. I used to.
Pure and soft like warm butter
was my childish heart
Until the first arrow pierced wetly
leaving me raw.
More arrows have since struck
until now the blood no longer flows
and scar tissue has filled in each wound,
tough and inflexible.
No longer do I want to hold my arms open
exposed and vulnerable
Instead, crossing my arms like a shield
and keeping my eyes to the ground
Preventing another possible archer
to come within range.